Despite all the negative connotation around “disassociation” in terms of self-identity, I find that separating yourself from your ego is an extremely useful tool sometimes. Now, I want to clarify that this isn’t the same thing as clinical disassociation disorders. So I wanted to clear up any negative premonitions you might have while starting to read this. The main point of this post is:
Treat yourself like another person that you love and care about
There are three main parts to this technique:
- Self-Learning
- Self-accountability
- Self-forgiveness
Self-Learning
You learn so much about everything but yourself. My brain used to be filled with so much useless junk about other people and random content that distracted me from learning about myself.
Examples:
- Observe how you usually talk to yourself, is it positive? negative? Would you say those kinds of things to others? How would they feel/react? Why would you say things to yourself that would hurt others if you said it to them?
- Notice your impulsive/unconscious actions. Are these things benefiting you? How are you programmed to act when your rational side isn’t there?
- Observe how you react to situations. What makes you feel insecure? Why did you avoid making eye-contact with that person? Why did your body language change when they said that statement?
You know nothing about yourself. Try to learn about yourself more through self-communication.
Self-accountability
But also, notice when you make mistakes and make yourself take accountability when it’s at fault.
A big part of making rational choices is realizing when you’re in the wrong. I feel like one of the greatest pitfalls of “self-improvement” is that it inflates your ego to the point where you aren’t open to any other opinions. The validation and self-righteousness that you gain from feeling “right” make you scared to be wrong.
Take everything you say to yourself with a grain of salt.
Just like you would evaluate academic sources or tweets, examine if what you’re saying to yourself is logical and rational. What biases might you have? What experiences might have caused you to have certain biases?
Evaluate conversations between you and others (especially those you disagree with) from a third-person perspective. Which points are valid? What emotions are you feeling that might deter you from saying logical things? How might these emotions impact what you said?
Self-forgiveness
One famous excerpt from the Bible is “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven” (Luke 6:37).
While it has the Christian meaning that only those who forgive others will receive forgiveness from God, I think one extra takeaway is that forgiving is an act you can do to others and yourself.
By that logic:
(Forgiving Others) == (Being forgiven by God)
(Forgiving Yourself) == (Being forgiven by Yourself)Just like forgiveness is important to heal relationships with other people, it is crucial to heal the relationship you have with yourself. Self-forgiveness fosters growth and should be applied in conjunction with self-learning and self-accountability.
All three of these come together like so:
- Obtain the power to be aware when you’re in the wrong through self-learning
- Keep yourself accountable and correct yourself through self-accountability
- Forgive yourself for making the mistake and keep a healthy relationship with yourself through self-forgiveness
By separating your ego and treating yourself like another person that you love, you can learn to embrace making mistakes and being wrong.